


A Little Too Late

by KaeNikko



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Gamzee Makara and Karkat Vantas Moirallegiance, M/M, gamkar - Freeform, gamkat - Freeform, unknown flushed feelings, until the end at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:31:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2658755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaeNikko/pseuds/KaeNikko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was my first Homestuck fic and I don't even care that people don't like Gamzee much anymore and that he and Karkat aren't moirails anymore, I can dream. I love this pairing a lot.</p>
    </blockquote>





	A Little Too Late

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first Homestuck fic and I don't even care that people don't like Gamzee much anymore and that he and Karkat aren't moirails anymore, I can dream. I love this pairing a lot.

==> _BE KARKAT_

"Fuck me," You say to yourself as you stare into the mirror hanging on your wall. You stand there, shirtless. You're staring at the many self harm scars you had inflicted within the past year. They litter your wrists, your arms, your shoulders, and your stomach. 

"Why did I have to be me?" You wonder aloud. You wish you could be someone else, someone with better looks and a better personality. You wish you could be nice to people, you wish you weren't angry all the time, you wish you didn't drive people away, you wish you weren't a mutant freak... You wish you weren't you. You wish with all your might, but alas, nothing changes. You're still you, always will be you, and you hate it.

You pick up your sickle and drag the sharp blade across your grey wrist, creating a fresh new wound. Your candy red blood flows out easily and drips onto the grey carpeted floor. You repeat the action five more times before switching the weapon into your opposite hand so you can do the same to your other wrist. You don't cut deep enough to bleed to death; you're actually terrified to die. You don't think you would ever be able to pull off such an attempt.

You watch your blood flow out and create a mess on the floor until it starts to clot to stop the bleeding. Sighing, you walk over to your husktop. You log into Trollian and scroll through old conversations, rereading them. You actually had not talked to anyone in about a week and to your dismay, no one had even made an attempt to contact you. Not even for advice regarding quadrants, as per usual for a romance buff such as yourself.

Speaking of quadrants, you still wonder how the fuck you even have any of your own filled in. You only ever really had two. You used to be in a matespritship with Terezi, but she was with Dave now. The only thing you really had going for you was your moiraillegiance with Gamzee. Despite all of the awful things you say to him about being a crappy moirail, you actually enjoy his company. Whenever you see him, you have to stop yourself from smiling at his silly antics and way of talking. To be honest with yourself, you sometimes catch yourself thinking about him when you're alone and depressed. There are times when you've even suspected that you might even hold flushed feelings for the juggalo, but you would always shake the thought away as quickly as it would come. Thinking about him now, you decide to try talking to him.

**\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 20:45--**

CG: HEY, FUCKASS

You wait for almost twenty minutes for a reply. The screen before you displayed a purple dot beside his name, indicating that he was online. Maybe he was just ignoring you... No, no, don't think like that. Maybe he was away from his husktop and was eating more of that disgusting slime. Sure enough, a reply comes in as the thought leaves your mind.

TC: hEy My MoThErFuCkIn' BrOtHeR  
TC: sOrRy AbOuT tHaT  
TC: I wAs EaTiNg A mOtHeRfUcKiN' pIe.

See, Karkat? Stop thinking so negatively.

TC: hAvEn'T hEaRd FrOm YoU iN a WhIlE.  
TC: HoW's It HaNgIn'?  
CG: OH, YOU KNOW.  
CG: THINKING ABOUT HOW ABSOLUTELY USELESS OF A MOIRAIL YOU ARE.  
CG: I DON'T SEE WHY WE STAY IN THIS STUPID MOIRAILLEGIANCE ANYWAY.

No! Ugh, why do you always have to say things you don't mean? Always doing before thinking. If anything, you're the useless moirail here, not him.

TC: AwWw, ThAt'S cAuSe We'Re BrOs.  
TC: BrOs GoTtA sTiCk ToGeThEr.  
CG: I GUESS SO.  
CG: IS THERE ANYTHING NEW GOING ON WITH YOU?  
TC: WeLl, YeAh AcTuAlLy. Me AnD tAvBrO wErE aLl Up AnD cHiLlIn' YeStErDaY aNd I dUnNo WhAt HaPpEnEd BuT wE aLl Up AnD sTaRtEd kIsSin' AnD sHiT.

You freeze, staring at what Gamzee had just written. It made your blood pusher beat harder in your chest and you felt a sharp pain in your gut. It takes you a minute to recover from your initial shock to realize that he had typed more.

TC: I tHiNk MaYbE iT wAs FrOm SoMe PiE i GaVe HiM cAuSe He MaDe ThE fIrSt MoThErFuCkIn' MoVe, WhIcH iSn'T lIkE tAvBrO.  
TC: I jUsT dIdN't WaNnA aLl Up AnD hUrT a BrOtHeR's FeElIn'S, yA kNoW? sO i DiDn'T dO nOtHiN' tO sToP iT.  
TC: KaRbRo?  
TC: yOu ThErE?  
CG: I'M HERE.

You've been wanting to get something off of your chest and you decide that now is as good a time as ever.

CG: HEY, GAMZEE?  
CG: DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME A STUPID FUCKING ANSWER.  
CG: BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME?  
CG: I'M NOT EXACTLY THE BEST PERSON TO ASSOCIATE WITH AND YOU NEVER FAIL TO RESPOND WHEN I MESSAGE YOU.  
TC: WeLl, YoU'Re My MoThErFuCkIn' MoIrAiL bRo.  
TC: Of CoUrSe I wIlL mEsSaGe YoU bAcK.  
CG: SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT YOU'RE JUST PUTTING UP WITH ME.  
CG: YOU'RE JUST DOING IT BECAUSE YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO AS MY MOIRAIL.  
CG: YOU DON'T ENJOY MY COMPANY, YOU PUT UP WITH IT, IS THAT IT?  
CG: WELL, I'M SORRY IF I'VE BEEN A FUCKING HINDRANCE TO YOU.  
CG: I'M SORRY FOR CALLING YOU A SHITTY MOIRAIL.  
CG: I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING.  
CG: I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.  
CG: BYE.

**\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] gave up trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] at 20:58--**

You didn't give Gamzee a chance to reply. Closing your husktop, you don't realize you're crying until you see the transparent red teardrops fall onto the back of your hands. "Fuck..." You curse, swiping at your tears to stop them but only more fall down your cheeks. You don't understand why you're crying; why your heart feels like it's shattered to pieces. Was it because of the fact that you were an annoyance? An image of Gamzee and Tavros kissing flashes into your mind and that's when you know. It wasn't just because of what others thought of you... No, you know for a fact that you've got flushed fucking feelings for the stupid clown.

You knew it. You knew he didn't care. If you were a bother to Gamzee, the you were certain that you inconvenienced everyone else with your presence. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" You yell into the empty room, sobbing into your hands. No one needs you. Everyone's got someone to turn to and you aren't included in any of it. If that were the case, then you would make it easy on everyone. Despite your earlier thoughts of not being able to pull through with it, this is all the drive you need to have your sights set on the task at hand.

==> Karkat, kill yourself.

==> _Be GaMzEe_

You stare at the words Karkat typed up before signing out. Something was off... Way off. It was rare for Karkat to apologize, especially to you. You never took his insults seriously so there was no need to apologize. You also sure as hell never considered him to be a hindrance to you. You enjoyed his company as much as any other troll. In fact, you enjoyed his presence so much more that you thought about him often. You knew you were flushed for the motherfucker but you never said anything because you thought he was still hung up about Terezi. If you had known that he was feeling this way, you would have said something sooner so he would know that he was wanted.

Enough about that, you needed to see Karkat. You had a bad feeling in your gut and you had to see him. Fast. You get up and run out of your hive and over to Karkat's. It's quite a distance away, and the worry you feel makes you run at full speed.

It takes you about ten minutes to get there and your legs are screaming at you in burning pain, but you ignore it. You knock on the door and as Karkat doesn't answer, your knocks become more frantic while you start calling out his name. "Karbro! ... Karkat, open the door!" He's still unresponsive even after about five minutes and you use all the strength you have to break the door down. You run upstairs to his room and open the door quickly. The sight you see before you makes your eyes grow wide and your blood run cold.

You see your moirail laying on the ground in a pool of bright cherry red blood, sickle in hand. He was shirtless so you could see just where he was bleeding from. He had deep cuts in his wrists and a few self inflicted stab wounds in his abdomen.

You run and collapse beside him, picking him up enough to place his head on your lap. "Karbro! Karbro, open your eyes! ... Karkat!" You breath a sigh of relief when he opens them slowly. He opens his mouth to speak but you shake your head and put a finger to his lips. "Don't talk, bro... Just hang on... I'll get you help." Just as you're about to lift him off the ground, he grabs hold of your shirt to stop you.

"No..." You hear him whisper. It's apparent that he's using what little of his strength he had left to talk to you. "Don't... Gamzee..."

"But bro, I can-" he cuts you off.

"No." He repeats, making his voice more stern. Just that little effort seemed to take a lot out of him. "It's inevitable... With the wounds I made, I won't make it..." He once again whispers. Your eyes start to water and you hold him close to your body. "Gamzee... Please don't... Don't cry..." He reaches a shaky hand up to your face, wiping away a translucent indigo tear that slides down your cheek. "I... I have... A confession to make..." He pauses to cough a little, his blood leaking out of the corner of his mouth, before continuing. "I... Never really realized until now... But... I'm flushed for you..." He says, pained grey eyes staring into your distraught purple ones.

"I'm flushed for you too, bro..." You say to him. You see his eyes widen slightly in surprise, then see his face contort into that of deep sadness and regret.

"I'm... Such a fucking i-idiot..." He says, tears falling down his face. "I... I assumed... That you and Tavros..." He trails off, but you know what he means to say. He thought you and Tavros were matesprits. He probably deduced that from what you had told him in your earlier conversation...

You see the light in his eyes dying down, and you lean down to place a soft kiss on his lips in a last effort to show your long overdue affection. When you pull away and look at him, his eyes are void of life, yet his lips are curled into that of a smile that one would only notice if they knew the details of Karkat's face as well as you did.

Your body wracks violently from the sobs you choke out. You didn't notice his feelings. You weren't there for him as often as you should have been... Your moirail is dead, and you have nobody to blame but yourself.


End file.
